Amnesia is common..

Amnesic people are everywhere. Even, me myself is amnesic. I remember one incident. i was looking for my pen. I searched at every inch of the house.. But was in vain. I went in and out my room, checking every spots i've gone to.. still, nothing.

Then, i asked my house mates. Where is it?? Later, i found the pen pinned to my shirt. Gosh!

The second amnesic incident was... I was bathing.. (Don't imagine too much! Harmful) I was looking for my shampoo on the rack! I searched every where.. Everywhere that i could possibly put that thing. Mind u, the bathroom wasn't that big!!! Then, immediately before i wanted to use my housemate's, my eyes saw it. It was staring at me! Exactly in front of me.

I was like... OMG!

So, being amnesic or to the extent of being demented is not a big deal. hahaha.. Every one is!

Kekasihku Seru, Season Finale

Thursday night is not going to be a stay-at-home night or no-one-stares-at-book night anymore since the most anticipated series on that night has come to an end. Everything is practically crystal clear now... All the questions were answered!

Cehwah.. It's like our TV programme has moved a step forward by producing a good TV series that was phenomenal. Not that, Malaysia never produced any TV series with a good story line or what, it's just that, I have never watched a Malaysian series that managed to make me anxious waiting for the next!

Well, overall.. it was a good series. But, i think the first few episodes were spookier than those at the end. Ya lah! The ghost was like barbaric at first but then later, he was easily defeated by a bunch of old ladies and 2 men.

The surpirisng part was, all this while... Che' Lela had an evil spirit within her.. and she even killed that poor Dr. Hakim. I kept wondering all this while.. who could have killed Hakim after knowing that Waris was not capable of hurting his descendants (Even, he did hurt the Ustaz and Arshad during the fight.. I am not really sure what hurting means)

One thing dowh.. I guess, they are planning to proceed to the next season.. or maybe more seasons to come as the acceptance from viewers were encouraging.

So.. Go Khabir Bhatia... Spook us please!!! The house is getting silent now..

5 more months before the misery and Agony ends (or is it the happiness?)

Yes! Another 5 months to go before my batch bids good-bye to the lecturers and juniors! Hooray!! But wait... should i be happy? Well, besides the fact that, I will probably be a junior doctor by then, (InsyaAllah!).. i think happiness is out of the discussion.

I mean, after leaving the medical school... life.. I'm expecting to be totally different. No more nice weekends where i can sleep till my hungry stomach wakes me and asks me to fill it up.. No more midnight movies with friends after an exhausting day... day filled with bedsides and lectures. No more spare time to chat with friends in the YM!

It would be an exaggeration if i say, there will be no such moments in the future... but yeah! At least the frequency is markedly reduced. heh?!

Like i said.. Perhaps, the misery and agony of attending classes or getting scolded by lecturers over my dumbness would be a great victory! But, giving it a second thought, it wont be that fun!

You see.. Those moments where u fought with a friend after he stole ur patient, or maybe moment when he teased u after u performed badly in the bedside teaching... will be something funny to recall!

Reminiscing the memory, where the whole group were in the bus and sleeping on ur way to the Putrajaya Hospital... definitely would make u wish to have it back.

Life is short... Any pain or misery, once it's gone... it wont cause that much trouble anymore... And, perhaps, it will be a wonderful thing to remember!

My point is.I know its a cliche, but still have to say it.. Appreciate every single moment u have with ur family, friends, teachers or anyone for that matter... ur memory box (if u have any.. well i have one) is expandable.

No regret. Nope! Impossible in my case!!!!

"Gosh! I hope i would have memorized this years ago"

" Why was i so lazy and hampeh those days, when i should have been studying all these?!!"

"I might have performed very well if only i did my study during the weekends"

Those are my regret thoughts. Keep echoing in my mind. As the result, i tend to blame myself. Luckily i did not cut my wrist and hoping i would die from extensive haemorrhage. (Well that kinda impossible since the artery is not that big isn't?)

People say, if u do study very hard and of cos smartly, u wont have regret at the end. Or few days before the exam. But if u don't do ur job, then... regrets will fill ur chest and waiting for u to blow off.

I am in agreement with that advice or statement or principle or wutever u wanna call it. But, i think in my case, there will be regret sooner or later. Even i have studied very hardly, or maybe i have cut down my sleeping hours, later.. i still regret those days which i spent unwisely.

The only thing matters is, how much do i regret my wasted days... If i start revising now, then... at the end, i will have very few stress and pressures, but if i don't.. then, only God knows! Regret, is not a bad thing, in my opinion. It teaches me to appreciate moments i have now. Moments i shouldn't waste in the future. But too much of it would definitely kill me!

Toodles for now. Got to study!

Stressful life..

Its like 5 more months to go before i sit for my final examination. Which is frightening and of cos exciting. Exciting in the sense that, i don't have to sit for lectures, or go for bedside teachings and all. But I'm pretty sure, i would like those things better once i start to work. U know la kan.. Skrg ni, before start working, working life is so tempting.

Anyways, I was so occupied with stuff today. Tons of things to learn and to review back. Many diseases need to be familiar with. And, anxiety is piling up... Waiting for me to burst with tears... Or maybe something more decent than crying like... clubbing for instance

The end of posting exam is just around the corner. And, I haven't prepared enough for both postings.. especially my beloved posting... Obstetrics and Gynecology. Well! I haven't prepared for most of things in my life... So, study is not an exception.

Abortion? Continue? Don't get pregnant? How eh?

Today, we have a very nice session with Prof MS.. And the presenters were GRRREAT! It was actually the most anticipated seminar in my whole life. Well, That sounds like an exaggeration. Anyways, don't make me go to the HOT issue where one of the presenters stammered. Thats a real Laugh-Out-LOud!!

Here, i just want to give my opinion which i should have voiced out in the lecture hall. But, due to bladder problems and extreme coldness, i hold my thoughts.

From my opinion, the action of aborting a child whom screened and suspected to have problem such as down's syndrome, Fragile X syndrome, or any syndrome for that matter... is something wise to do. Yes! The law has clearly described the indications for Abortion, so has the religion (islamic point of view).

They say, if the condition/ problem endangers the mother or if the foetus is severely handicapped, abortion is the resort. Some say, " Ok What if the child is syndromic. He still has the right to breathe in this world".

Definitely he has! But the problem is, what is the point giving them opportunity when the parents and the child, himself would suffer later on?!

I think, mostly it depends on the coping ability of the parents. If the parents are able to look after the kids and fulfill his needs, then there won't be any harm rite? But how about if the parents aren't? If the parents are having financial problems? or maybe Marital problems? How can they cope with the piling pressure.

I know, thats the best for both, the parents and the kid... But its up to you to decide and to think about it.

I want this book; Honk! If u are Malaysian

Few weeks back, i was in a bookstore. I wasn't exactly in the mood of purchasing books. I was just like browsing through. Then, i stumbled upon a book entitled 'Honk! If u are Malaysian'. The book is written by a local author, whom i couldn't remember her name. She is a home-based writer.

Anyways, i managed to read a few pages since we were actually waiting for a movie to start. (We=Me + My friend).. The book is 'talking' about the REAL MALAYSIANS. The goodness and the badness of us. Nothing to be hidden. Race and culture differences? It's something that you should never think about whilst reading this book.

She (the author), explicitly described the norm of each race in Malaysia. Malays with their laziness, Chinese with their escheat, and Indian with their drinking problems. No race tops the other. We are diverse but equal.

The book costs about RM 30. Which is actually cheap but i couldn't afford at that particular moment. Now i want to ask my sister to buy a copy for me. For any reason, a weekend gift ker, a Help-your-sister-knitting gift ker.. I won't mind. I just want that book!

It wasnt as fun as I expected!

I was dreaming to have a wonderful nite tonight.. but so far i guess it turned to a disastrous night. Firstly, my post in a blog has turned to become a battle field. That's not something that i should be proud of. NEVER. I know, i was stupid to ask that stupid question! Should we move or not?

Obviously! The answers would 'Hey Boy! No need la pindah2 ni!!' I meant to just create a discussion which now, when i give it a second thought, was a fruitless and pointless discussion. U know wut i mean?!

Discussion that would never end and will not contribute to the development of my brain cells!

The second thing is, i was seriously affected by a post sent by a friend of mine. After reading the source, now i know how people look at me.. Which is not their fault and not my fault as well. Things aren't easy. Things are more complicated.

The only thing that should save the situation is me... Who have to act. Act i mean, improve myself to the utmost level! Gosh! I hate being judged before I am ready

Whats fun tonite?!

We went back home early today! Not that we were first timers. Anyways, my plan was to study like crazee since in the library i just couldn't do that. It's cold in there and sometimes, I am tempted to talk and talk. or maybe I'm the one who tempts people la!! *gigles

So, i opened my book once i arrived. Ready to read things on neonates! Then, I got thirsty. to quench it, i drank the Strawberry Dutch lady. A few minutes after, i got a bit dizzy. Guess, i was sleepy kot! Then, i took a pillow, cover my face and dozed off!!


I woke up around 5 minutes to 6. Which was ridiculous. So, after wasting hours of my afternoon, i'm planning to do something fruitful tonight. READ READ READ...

but before that, Kekasih ku Seru is on tonite. Can't wait the new episode!!! Then bru study la!

Same group of people with 2 different perceptions. Weird eh?!

Last week, as usual.. I went out to my friend's. We were planning to have this crazee night like we had yesterweek (sorry for busted the language). I rode a taxi after having to wait for hours at the bus stop.. (an oxymoron isn't it?!...)

The taxi driver was a chatter box. Politely, he tried to warm up the environment by asking some questions. Not exactly important but i guess as a starter. Then, he continued talking and talking and talking. Later he started to ramble on about his life.

Seriously, i wasnt in the mood of talking at that time. It was raining and i was running late. I just let him talk and in between giving him a peculiar sound as to tell i was listening.

He was talking about how hard it was to be a taxi driver. Money had never been enough! Responsibilities to family still have to be carried out. He then said, how hard it was to live but still have to. I am not implying that he was a lousy guy by harping on about his life. I totally understood. Life never been easy. It always comes with multiple obstacles and sometimes we wouldn't see its coming.


But then, the next day. When i took another taxi heading home from my friend's, i met another taxi driver (yeah of course, wouldn't it be ridiculous if there was no driver kan?). This uncle was also a chatter box. But that particular day was different. My mood was good and I was okay for any conversation... even it was just a pet talk.

So this uncle, kept advising me to be nice to people.Especially those who weren't so lucky like i was. Then, he gave me few examples of how he handled some situations, that from my opinion was kinda hard to do. Let say, helping some stranger.. bringing her home and deny her money once u find out she got problem whilst u also got bills to be settled.

He was so optimistic. He perceived a new day as a new hope for him. To him, money is not everything. He believes when God wants u to have the money (he used the word REZEKI), then, its all urs. I nodded. I smiled all the way home. He was enthusiastic and the conversation was fun. He even later, gave me a discount. Thanx to him!

Now i had 2 people from the same group whom had two different perceptions towards life. I think, i like the second one better. Who saw life as a great opportunity to do noble things. The first one wasn't bad after all. I think, he had a rough time. I cant be judging people but i do the observation!!

toodles!

NICU.. here I come!!

"The Group B people are having difficult time.. can u imagine, first week in the general paeds. Then, second week in the NICU and later in the 3rd week, they are going back to General paeds" That was my respond regarding the current rotation in paediatrics.

I thought, the girl's group was gonna move to the NICU. I was wrong. Completely wrong. When i checked the time table again a while ago, i found out that WE HAVE TO MOVE!!!

So, as the consequences.. I have to re-read those topics on Neonatology. And it ain't an easy job. Lots and lots of stuff to read. Which simply means, no idling this weekend!

Missing My RooM

It has been 3 days now.. or maybe more since I spent 90% of my night outside my lovely, tidy and kempt room. (Now I am Boasting *grins) My fan is busted and I haven't gotten enough money to buy a new one. U know, the petrol price is hiking (wait, its reducing now). By the way, i don't have car.. so why bother.. lol..

Thats not the point.. The issue here is, I haven't spent my nights in my room. The room is now burning. It's practically toasting me. I, once tried to spend a night there... Well i succeeded sleeping through the night. But later, found myself wearing the most deficient pyjamas ever.

So now, i spend my nights and even days in the living room. Do everything day.. makan, study, tido, etc etc. The living room is my room now.. i don't know if it's going to be temporary or what FYI, I am allergic to heat!

As the result, i utilize the whole space... My books, my laptop and my hobbit-sized table are now the permanent furniture!

Bodoh Sombong.. The Old folks say..

The darnedest thing can happen in a student is Bodoh Tapi Sombong. That's what they say. When a dumb acts like he's the all-knowing, then the whole world will turn upside down. But, thats the case nowadays. We rarely see dumb people admit that they are actually on the lacking side.

Anyways, I was called to write about this when a Professor of mine tried to pinch us (or maybe me) and brought me back from my endless dream. She reminded us (again, maybe it was for me..) that, the only medicine for dumbness is confessing it and eager to change it. She did not exactlly utter those words I wrote, but.. well she probably meant those.

As a student, I tend to take things for granted... For instance, i could not see the importance of checking the Medication chart every day or maybe reading through the drugs that I've stumbled upon in the ward. Instead, I walked around... ready to brag ... tried to look important in front of the patients... But deep inside, i have nothing to impress them. NOTHING

so...Its time to insaf before its too late babe!!

It aint easy, the quest I mean...

Holla! It's me again... Am sure i'm alone here. Talking to masef. But that's okay. I'm okay and I'm good. So, today... whoops.. it's around midnite so... tonite, I'm gonna talk about a long quest that I have been on for sooo long... Still i haven't found the thing.

The thing, in my point of view is so darn difficult to get. Kudos to those who managed to hold it now. Once u have it, my advice... Don't ever let it go. The thing that i have been harping on is A Happy life.

I ain't saying my life isn't happy all this while. It's just that, it's on the lacking side. Always be. (still I'm thankful to the Merciful God). And to my surprise, mostly because i was the one (or maybe, still am..) who trying to run away from it. Trying to avoid those happiness. I know, it's full of crap!
But.. believe me. When u seeing things through my eyes, u will know what i mean.

I don't have the slightest idea!!

I am A final Year Student. That's a fact.
I am planning to pass the exam. That's a fact
I am intending to score in the exam. That's a fact.
I am Going to be a doctor next year. That's a fact.
I am thinking of making my family proud. That's a fact.


I am wasting time giggling. That's a fact.
I am wasting time talking. That's a fact.
I am wasting the energy chatting. That's a fact.
I am wasting my brain cells dreaming. That's a fact.

I don't have the slightest idea where I'm heading with all these facts trailing me. I Have no idea when the bad facts will stop being facts. I simply have no clue.

A review of a book. P.S. I love You

I have owned this book for almost five months now.. but just tonight i managed to squeeze in time to finish reading it up. Well, don't get the impression that the book was so Hampeh till it made me postpone the reading. I just could not find the appropriate time

The book was so amazing. Well, it's Cecelia Ahern's. What do u expect?! Her first book i read was, 'If u could see me now'; loaned from Fie... Anyways, it's not about that book. It's about P.S. I LOVE YOU

As the title indicates, the book is love story, definitely, which made me tearful... Shh!!! Was I? The book was so terrific. I would say, if i haven't watched the movie first, my impression would be so much different. U know, the movie did give some premature impression about how would the book like.

Still, the book was so great and i enjoyed every page or even every word in it.

Cecelia meticulously described each character. The strength and the weakness. Not to forget to put humours in between. The situation and the problem were nicely explained. I must say, I'm 100% satisfied with Cecelia's writing. Her idea of having a dead husband sending monthly letter to his spouse is brilliant. It's touching! (Arghhh!! I now, speak like a girl)

The problem was with Holly (the main character) where most of the time, it made me feel that she was acting like a drama queen. Honestly, the whole losing her husband thing was huge and massive, but sometimes, she acted so selfish.
Another thing, if i were the writer i would make Daniel and Holly as a great couple. Thats something that would heal the reader's grieve, i suppose.

And maybe, i would like to do some of Gerry's trick. Perhaps! Its classy, I must admit!

For those who haven't gotten the chance to read this book, go and buy one. Or u can loan mine...

I've bought a new alarm..

Hey! I'm pretty sure that no one knows the existence of this brand new alarm. And it happened that i was the first one to purchase it. First one in the whole world. The alarm is named AWKWARD ALARM.

Basically, it functions to sense any awkward moment that's happening around 5 miles radius.. That's far! Once it's bought, it's automatically activated. So, my advice try to avoid any awkward moment between u and the salesperson as it might trigger the alarm.

The alarm is so sensitive and it's even capable to sense the awkwardness between my friend and I over the phone.

The goodness of owning one is that, when the alarm beeps, u got a time to escape from that moment and save urself. Otherwise, u'd definitely embarrass urself as the alarm wailing on and on.

These are the moments when u need this alarm:

1. You are having lunch with ur lecturers
2. You are talking to ur ex's bf/ gf
3. You are in the toilet with ur lecturers
4. You are in the elevator with a half-stranger-and-half-friend
   

Hey! Lots of things to be done!

Tomorrow is another day for me. And its not going to be a normal Monday. Its paeds Monday. Means, its a Have-to-work-hard-a-day-before Monday.

Yesternight, I spent the whole hours doing nothing which is so me. Not shocking.. Ha-ha! I was supposed to read 'THE BOOKS'..

Now I realized that i have tons of things to be done. And one of them which is extremely huge; Study and prepare for the coming PRO3.

Okay.. Let me get this straight. Honestly, when i was revising Paediatric a while ago. I had this chest tightness which made me doubt my asthmatic status. Well, i wasn't having an attack. It was just a panic attack.

Firstly, I have to read stuff in this posting... But then how abt the previous postings. Let say the recent one, ObGyn? When would i revise them?! And when can i squeeze in time to look back for the Ophthalmology and ENT postings. Gosh!!! I'm stressed out!!

The worst thing is... I know don't believe in myself. Previously, when i was so determined to do something, or to plan something... My heart would be on board and encourage me. But skrg ni.. I have to force 'it' to do so. Still my heart will say "I wonder how long ur determination will last!!". then It laughed at me...

Now i have to issues!!!

My english is obviously deteriorrtaeing

What i wanted to spell was deteriorating. See, thats exactly what i'm saying. My english is utterly deteriorating (phewww..managed to spell that rite)..
I know, i know.. My english has never gone beyond the standard 6 level (or even worse..considering that students nowadays read a lot and talk a lot, chat a lot)


When i read my posts, i had this intense disgust feeling in my head... As I continued reading, i started to feel a bit groggy and ready to vomit anytime. My vocab is next to nothing and my topic is empty, pointless. I am not implying that my writing used to be super duper great. It wasn't. It's just that, i am hoping it'll get better by time.

But it doesn't seem so... But what the heck! I will continue writing. The best medicine for my sleepiness and of course a perfect company in my idle mode.

Mini Me Episode 1; I was never been the centre of attention

When I was a kid, I went to a school which situated like 2 hours walking distant from my house. It was not a famous school in town, not a great one. But ok lah. So, when i was there I wasn't someone who was noticed by the teachers. I wasn't like Aria (bukan nama sebenar) who has 3 best-student sisters or maybe Alan (bukan nama sebenar) whose father spent thousands of ringgit helping the school to build a new classroom. I wasn't one of them

I was a regular kid, who brought his bag to the classroom on the first of school with his mom ushered him to his seat. A seat where i spent the whole day cursing at it. I was chaired in between 2 cousins. They were so darn goofy. Torturing me on my first day... they even made me cry that day. Poor me!

I dint go to religious school in the afternoon as the normal school already burdened my working family. So, the afternoon was spent with homework. Maths was my favourite. I hated English and of course art. The former was hated since i dint know what those words meant. How to use the grammar, how to make up a sentence. Mastering it sounded like an everlasting impossibility. The latter was not my favorite since my drawing has never been appreciated.

I remembered one time where i drew the mickey mouse thing. It was so gorgeous in my perception, but to the others, it was just another hideous drawing of mine. (Shhhh!!! i even submitted the drawing for a contest and never heard about it since)

"Hey See ya after school" my friend shouted to another friend of mine. I never been invited to my friend's for any activity. Group study, cool PC game and anything.. I was never included. Not that my friends found me not worth inviting. I wasn't a cool boy back then. And my house was not somewhere near theirs.

After school, i headed straight home. Wanting to do more...

to be continued....

i have this headache which seemingly trying to kill me..

Hey, me again. I know, Once i start writing a post, then my mind going to insist me writing the next one by giving my topic.. or maybe topics. So, here i am..

This few days, or maybe for couple of weeks already, i have this headache which i now describe as severe enough to disturb my daily activity. I started to feel it like 1 week before the raya. I though it was just because i overslept most of the time. So, i couldnt careless.

But, it is persistent. It's still with me as i'm writing. Mostly generalized and it has this spasm-inducing effect in the neck. Usually, the headache was manageable with 2 PCM but today, it requires more than that. And, it dint even help it, let alone stopping it.

I thought I've lost my mind for a bit...

Hey Everyone!! I rise again from the dead. I know, it has been Raya, hols and all. So guess what?! I have been so malas... Maybe the Malas-est ever in my life. Let me describe myself a few weeks before raya.

1-2 weeks to raya:
I was in Owh and Gee (OnG) posting. I didn't even realize time passed me. I went to do my clinical things in day time which included all those clerking, examining and copying chart. It wasn't cool. And most of the time, i could feel that i was wearing this face.... forced-to-do-something-you-hate face. Not that i hate the posting so greatly, it was just hard for me. Very hard indeed.

The night time? Mostly i spent with singing my heart out... or maybe screaming at the top of my lung (instead of singing). No reading invoved. Then, the cycle repeated itself.

During raya:
I spent the whole raya mostly sleeping till my head warned me to stop or else, it would explode. So, i stopped for a wee moment. In between, i watched stuff on TV which mostly were craps. After getting tired, i would switch on my PC and watch again, anything...

Before i even realized, my eyes closed again.. and my mind drifted away... the cycle repeated.

After raya:
I thought, after the one week holiday-ful holiday, i would regain the courage and spirit to doing stuff in this posting. Or maybe, the least i could do is reading books... (at the same time, preparing for My pro 3).

Unfortunately, things dint happen as i planned. I am still groggy.. and my mind gives out pointless opinion...


HELP ME!!!