My friends are building up their BlogS!

*The picture is just a decoration. To avoid dullness on my posting!

Don't be so prejudiced abt being a blogger. Not all bloggers love their materials to be read. They don't write to smugly show that they've got talent in any field! Its just that, they want to write. Let them be!

I recently added 3 or 4 of my newly-become-blogger friends! cayalah Guys! I have been forcing few others to follow the trail. But maybe too soon to expect their acceptance.

By the way, some of my friends have an inclination towards politics. he mostly writes on the tide of political issue nowadays. Some other is loving to write abt his life.. And, speaking of my blog..i write every aspect in life. Anything that strikes my mind is going to be a big issue to me...

So..do me a favor! Be a blogger!lol

I woke Up Early today!

I have never been expecting im sitting and staring at my laptop now! I had spent my whole nite surfing and wasting time last nite. I slept a quater to 3 and yet i dragged my a$$ outta the bed around 7!

I thought, afta performing solah! I was gonna have a sleepy head but i dint. Instead, i kept turning myself, searching for the sleepy spot in my head but to no avail! So, again i dragged myself outta the blanket and strode to the bathroom. "Take a shower, grab something in the kitchen and write stuff in my blogs" i thought!

Reluctanlty, i followed my mind's order. Not that it owns me... Im just letting them bossing me around..at least today! So, i opened my laptop's slid... Looking for stuff to be written!!! Wut ahhhh??!!

this is me...so tired-looking

My trial to be a writer. Didn't work!!

One night i woke up... it was so late in the night. I sat at the edge of my bed... thinking..Am i doing the right thing? No one ever told me that i was wrong... but i kept thinking that i did something out of norm.
So i sat down and put my legs down the edge of the bed. My mind was practically not in my skull. It had gone sumwer. Sometimes, in life... we need sum1 to guide us, to avoid us from going astray... like i always did.
So i strode to the kitchen and grasped a cup of plain water. Gulped. That helped! I take a tour to the living room. It was dark and lifeless. I was so lazy to turn on the light. Darkness might help me seeing through this life.
So, i stayed there a bit longer... in mum. Nothing to say... and no one to talk to. I relinquished the cup on my hand. Neatly, i put it on the table. Still thinking. I closed my eyes tightly till it hurt.
What should i do next?!

Awie Celebrating His Off days!

My cousin and I headed to KL Sentral where we planned to meet my friend somewhere there. He had been waiting for hours. So, we better be quick. We practically lied to him, telling him that we were going to be there in any minute when we were actually still struggling waiting for the train.

Finally, we managed to reach there without any hassle. Our friend did not really get mad. He was complaining that he was so empty-bellied and he was about to get famished. Quickly, we directed ourselves to the food court.


Something bad happened though! I had been warning myself to avoid that particular food court since i had several experiences that this food court claimed more cash that it should have. But, it was too little too late when my friends finally brought their food already. They kept complaining that the price was unbelievable.


After stuffing in food and got ourselves nourished, we finally decided that we should manoeuvre ourselves to Midvalley since one of my friends got stuff to purchase for his new college project. We arrived at the basement and waiting for the train. It looked impossible for us to get in since the whole waiting area was crowded with restless passengers.


When train arrived, sumting funny happened. we were about to enter the train when we noticed that the other door had less queued ppl. Then, my friend grabbed thought-to-be-my-arm and said 'The other side..' But guess wut? he had just dragged a total stranger! We laughed out loud when we all realised and left the stranger without saying a word!



The second embarrassing moment was when we took an elevator. Also at KL sentral. i headed the troop. Then, i saw few ppl using the stairs instead of the elevator. So, i sed to my cousin "they are going to get an asthmatic attack before they even reach the top". Then, i found that my cousin didn't even respond. So i turned and saw that another stranger was looking at me with a confused face.

OMG! That was so silly..talking without checking 1st!

Dengue Fever killed me!

When i am saying..."Dengu fever had killed me.." Please don't take it literally (hopefully i won't be contracting this illness). It has actually sumting to do with my exam a while ago.

My first case was brilliant since we had a session and a thorough discussion about this patient a few days back prior to the exam. But the second case was dreadful. I have been imagining myself getting Dengue cases in exam and my imaginations happened to triumph this time.

When i saw the patient, i immediately got the idea that she was having Dengue fever. Felt relieved...but it was temporary. I had to answer all those things about dengue...from the clinical manifestations to the biochemical level.


The horrible part was when i could not answer the last question which i believed would have impressed the examiners if i did. I have to differentiate between haemorrhage in dengu and dengue haemorrhagic fever. I know it sounds silly for not knowing this basic thing..but u gotta believe, it was making me speechless..

Not exactly speechless, i did answer but i was giving crap and bullshitting. Hoping that my guesses would hit the rite spot... but i didn't.

But the whole process was okay...



Owh yeah..i remember yesterday when i sat for the theory paper. The MCQs were pretty okay but the MEQ was dreadful. Acute gastroenteritis did spook me when we were needed to calculate for the fluid replacement... How am i going to know that if i was so indulging myself in so called 'difficult' stuff!!! And obviously it is not as important as AGE.

However, the whole could-not-answer-the-question thing was totally my fault rite? Anyway, Year far had passed. Here we go..FINAL YER!!!!

p.s i would to thank the Lecturers, friends and of cos the patients!!!!

I am about to go for my Short cases

This is the time wen i usually get butterfly in my stomach. I dont feel ease. By the way, nothing to make me feel so!
Wut spooks me the most is the fact that i am going to face small kids to be examined. They are absolutely gorgeous and cute, not cranky or creepy. But their mood is damn unpredictable.

In a minute, they can be so nice and cooperative. But soon (without any warning) they can just wish to kick u out from their sides. Wailing.... moaning...OMG, that really makes me sick...i am afraid of those threats!

So these are things that ought to be done:
1. Bring toys
2. Relax
3. Breath in and out (if u have forgotten how to breath, re-learn)
4. confident
5. SMILE man!


wut scares me is the fact that im so vulnerable to get a patient for a developmental assessment. I am so hating that! Not that i don't like kids progression to be an adult but its so difficult to remember the way they grow. It's so faaaasssssttttt....


by the way, kids should not be blamed for all these... All those intimidations that come are all from me. I am the one who think about it. I am the one who did not do my homework. So, go kids..go awie!!!

i HATE bEiNg sLOw

I have no slightest idea what the heck is happening to our connection lately. It acts like a sloth! Move very so darn slow! When i open a website, it seems like i have to wait for ages before it starts to run stuff!


Sumtymes, i can even finish my toilet business! It really drives me crazy... I cant even view a picture let alone a video in Utube! What am i supposed to do?!

My English Is terrible!!!

When Someone says that My grammar is atrocious...or maybe, says that im having poverty of vocabulary, Im in an agreement with him. It's simply because i have to utilise hours of my spared time to fill up my blog with thots! And i hate the fact that i'm wasting time!

Not that i hate to be an idler or anything... it is just that, those precious times can be salvage for something beneficial. Let say, reading books or digging for new words. Wouldn't that be nicer?!

I'm seriously exhausted of checking the dictionary. Why can't i be someone that says or writes things in English flawlessly. Yeah, i know imperfectness is acceptable! But, Believe me, u wouldn't want to be in my shoes.

What am i bad at:
1. Using conjunction such as...of, in, at...(are these called conjunction??)
2. Using idioms
3..........

i need some help here...HELP ME!

My Driving Test

It was horrid. Recalling the exact moment when the JPJ officer maneuvered the car back to the driving school. i tried to act calm and look composed but actually i was destroyed deep inside. i was wailing in my heart. I was hoping that the officer would have given me another chance.

I wish that i did some sort of begging thing... Asking the uniformed officer to re-do the test. from the beginning. But, what i did was... siting next to him. I took my bottle and gulped! I regret my inappropriate pride.

So, why dont i bring you guys to the scene.


That morning...abg ropie was surrounded by his students. Almost 10 of us. It was a distressing morning. I dint feel like eating. Pre-test syndrome i call it!

After a short briefing from my ex-cikgu..Then, my turn came to drive. I did all those 5 basic things. Moving here and there... With people outside watching... They were also the test takers..i guess.

Then i started the engine... after few seconds, It stopped. I tried...(at the same time, smiling to the watchers outside)... Stopped! I was thinking...Thats it! I failed. I could not even start the freaking car!!!

Then, i gave another shot. This time...the car moved. Yay!! My mind exclaimed!


So, i took the officer...slowly and carefully... And i could feel the excitement of passing the test. But, on the way, he saw that i dint even release the hand break...


Another breath taking mistake i did! That was the reason behind the difficult-to-start engine! But still this young officer gave me another chance.

Then...i maneuvered the car exactly like what had been taught. Sounds good huh!


But wait, the terrifying moment came! I was about to take a turn when i saw a big truck in front. I never encountered such problem in my previous classes! So, i was panicked. And not to blame the truck.. It was me... i just turned the car without changing the gear and the worst part...without even pressed the brake. So the car was so fast and i could not control it. I almost hit a stall by the road side.


Who would give me chance to pass the test....???! if i were the officer... i would juz kick the student out of the car! Since, he almost took my precious soul!

Exam Is Crawling Nearer!

Paediatric posting is famous for its danger. To succeed in this terribly scary posting, u have to do tons of things which are mainly reading and practicing stuff like examination and answering skills. My mother once told me, as boy i have to be brave. Better than a girl. But who could manage to eliminate his/ her fear in facing an exam... especially Paediatric examination.

I remember my first experience encountering a paediatric patient in my 3rd Year exam. That patient presented with multiple problems who actually invited sweats on my forehead! I could not even calm myself down.. since he had all those symptoms and expected findings... i could not bear of losing any of it!

But later, Thank to God... I managed to get important issues that examiners wanted. But, life is not something simple. We cannot keep expecting the same good thing repeating itself over and over again. Life is challenging. Not simple!

So, basically... this time. I do not know what am i expecting from the exam? People keep reminding me that targeting for something high is good... But, if u dont have anything... u shouldnt dream those things.

I mean..if u dont put any effort on revising and reading books... Please dont dream of gaining victory. Dreams has to be accompanied by hard work.

Btw.... I would like to wish my classmates a very good luck. Some say that 'luck' is unnecessary when we have skills

I Wish To have a New camera!!!

Dough deprivation can actually invite thousands of jealousy. If u do understand what i'm saying. Just visit any blog, u'll be served with innumerable photos...I can see that starting a blog without camera means USELESS.

Why am I bravely giving out this statement??? I'm sure u could see that Blogs desperately need good pictures to be their companion. Still remember the cliche saying thing like 'Picture is worth a thousand words'..

So by deliberately fussy about all those submerging issues, i think i do need camera..to hit it big. Inundate my blog with not only words...but pictures. Wouldn't that be nicer!!!!!

But. like i said... Money is a big obstacle. *sighing... One day...God's will...i will have one... ya!! chaiyok!!

My new classmate!

this posting has been relocated to a new place...since the danger is coming!!

Sleep Deprivation

My eyes are swollen.. they are red and they are practically complaining...." we are tired!!!!!" But still i keep them awake. Energise them with caffeine which i considered toxic.

i have tons of thing in my mind. Flight of ideas, psychiatrist calls it. I want to write about things. It seems like my brain is hard-to-turn-off kind of brain.

The worst part is... in the morning, my eyes and body will run a riot. They would protest and make me bound to the bed even the time is up!
Then the subsequent consequence is failing in taking the bus. Sometimes, i resort to walk. Even the sun is burning up there. And its not gonna be a normal pace... im speeding up.

In the class... i wont look good and fine. My face is gloomy and my forehead shows 'bed' sign!! My eyes are forcefully opened...i look like a zombie...liveless.

Then, lecturers are giving thousands of new info which ought to be digested... but i am staring at him/ her blankly. Nothing goes in and nothing goes out! It's pretty useless!

I do realise what are the danger of being a nocturnal but still i could not stop myself to be one. Then, i need to go to my bed now! Before those impending threats become reality

I am talking about catching up after a disarray!

My mind has gone thousand miles. I have lost my steps and orderliness. Sometimes, its hard to pull ur self back from such gigantic mess!

So what am i thinking when im writing this post is that... am thinking about my study. I have been spending my weekend with nothing fruitful. They were all thrashes. I didn't read books, I didnt fill my blog... I did basically nothing. Sleeping... wasting time and be a total jerk!

I know... Ur therapist may say... Stop blaming yourself... and i do understand that pointing finger to urself would do nothing better. It makes things worst! But without any realization.... Nothing would have changed.

I need confidence in facing this.....!!!

Confidence is a MUST! Thats a sentence i learned form a song. I pretty sure that the sentence is definitely true! Anything u r doing... anywer u r going...u need confidence to back u up or even to start ur journey! Even a simple presentation needs courage!

I remember one time.... and it happens most of the time actually... i needed to stand up on a stage to present something about my friend in front of my seniors and my classmates. i was stammering and shivering even it was about 30 minutes to noon...

I have no courage in talking and expressing myself in front of people. If i dint join this medical school....i bet, i wud juz sit at the back of the classroom and rarely noticed by my lecturers. Im a coward. Even my 5-year-together classmates could chicken me out.

But, Medical school forces u to have courage in succeeding. u will be left far away if u dun steel ursef to face the unstoppable challenges.

So far i did fine with the courage and confidence thingy! not to say it smugly but thank to the Lord for His Mercy.

But, i still think that i need more courage in facing the upcoming battle. Let say, im dumped sumwer in the west..or aniwer in the world....wud i have a real braveness to voice out my opinion and my fruit of thought. i think i hvent reached that stage.

I cud not imagine being put in the same room with those from overseas. Those who have 'Ready' sign on their forehead. I conclude that, to be confident... I have to equip myself with knowledge and experience. Only those two major things could boost my confidence even im put sumwer in a big city.

If u have a working cerebrum..u can afford to be heard. Thats wut i believe.!

My Train trip

it hit my mind when i was abt to pay my tribute to my bed...thanking it for waiting. My experience on a train...so tempting to be discussed and shared with the world.

It happened in one unfortunate evening for a family. they entered the train where i was having a good seat with my cousin. we practically chatted and dint even care to surrender the seat. We were fortunate since we got in early.

But then, this family....they came with a baby who started to cry inconsolably. i recalled the train ambiance wasn't perfect for a small kid like him. He was crying and made all the train passengers looking at our direction (it happened that i was beside the baby)...

i offered my seat since i was the nearest to the baby's mother... so she sat and thanked me. but, my help wasn't a contribution that that little kid wanted. He still cried his heart out. And at that time, i could see that all those seated and even standing passengers were worried and concerned...

Some suggested...'mungkin dia lapar tu kak...' and sum said from my side 'he must have been frightened by us...grown ups'...and sum1 offered 'Maybe he is sleepy'.. But all those opinions were fruitless. They mother tried to do her best but the kid was still out of control.

Then, everyone looked distressed...not that they were angry or anything...wut i could see from their face was 'concern' and i was happy to see it!

Thank to the lord...after a few minutes of impossibly-stopped cry, that little man came to a halt...Maybe he was exhausted. And wut made me feel so happy was....all those passengers were smiling at each other..including me...we were so happy and we started to play peek-a-boo with the kid...and he granted us with a smile..and evryone laughed...even those who stood far away from the family


i was so happy to see that we were all in there...Chinese, Malay and indian...Malaysians...were so concerned about a kid...which came from nowhere...
That created a sheer smile on my face...

Dreaming is good

My endless dreams.

I read something about a dream in paper today. ‘Reaching the star’...that was the big title. It is a book written by the late brother of Malaysian astronaut. Reaching stars sounds like an absolute dream...an impossible dream. Okay, lets not go into details of the book, the stars or anything pertaining to astronomy here. I am here to talk something sweet about dream, my dreams.... to be exact.
Then, here i want to skip all those obsolete dreams such as owning most-expensive cars, palace-like house and endlessly profitable business or any stuff like those. I need something fresh, something different. Yes i do need those but hey! They are outdated to be discussed.
Top in my list is to spend my off-time travelling to those beautiful countries. Beautiful here does not mean skyscraper buildings or maybe high tech subway train. I define beautiful as a country which teaches about real life is. It doesn’t need to be a well developed country...any country in this world will do.
I am aiming Indonesia and India. Then, some of people may ask what with these countries. Anything to do with the ‘I’ letter? Nope! My reason is that i want to see the real world in India and Indonesia. I heard difficulties and challenges they are facing. I am not pretty sure what is happening in those 2 Asian countries but i believe there are tons of thing to be learned.
Then, don’t forget Rome and Egypt with their great historic remaining. I could not deny that old building does have great attraction to me. Creepy as it looks, they have thousands of unrevealed secrets...i guess. Then counties like Fiji and New Zealand are undeniable for their beauty.
So that was my first dream. Something sounds nice and fun but to carry it out, i guess it needs money and strength. Hell yeah! I need those.
Then, my second dream is to live somewhere where no one would even know me without me introducing myself. I know it’s eerie to live in such situation but when you give it a second thought then you’ll realise that this is something great. The house is lively and looks soooo homely. A place where i can feel the absolute secured.
The ridiculous part of my dream is that i love to move on. From one place to another. I know it sounds a bit distressing to some but that’s all about preference right?! So, some may ask me the reason behinds all this. My answer is ‘I don’t know’

Recalling my family!

Its not something that I want to remember. The day where all my family went off, taking their own route. Not together but DIFFERENT. But all those memories before the ‘terrible’ incident were definitely sweet and worthy of remembering. The smiles, tiredness, jokes, foods, movies and kids were the keywords for those reminiscences.
Okay, let me start from the point when i start to realize what was happening. That time, my long-time-no-see-aunty came with his lovely son and daughter. Then, i was so sure the reason for their visit. It was a good-bye visit. My aunt, who we always call resembles to someone in TV... pretty and has a great smile. She came with foods in her hands. Muffins were my favourite out of all.
Then, we had her out-of-control son who loved me the most out of all his uncles and aunties, of course. He kept asking me to bring him here and there... wanted me to keep hugging him. For God’s sake kid! However, he was such a lovely kid. Then, my pen wants to write something on my aunt’s daughter... someone that i knew...so small and childish. A girl who could not wipe her own tears now grew to become a young fair lady. She looked ready for the world. Nothing could stop her. God must bless her.
The next day, my cousin with his new wife visited us. The visit looked something fun and meaningful. Yeah! It did. But, deep in my heart, i know that the visit meant i need to say good bye to them. This time, my attention went to my 2 young nephews. The eldest was definitely handsome and loved my laptop. Wanted to play with it. Cute huh?! The youngest was hard. I did not even try to separate him from his caring mother. Cuddle? Nope, i’ve forgotten.
They went back early in the morning without even taking bath. Something compulsory in my family. But, the end they still looked sweet and energetic heading home.
My serious attention went to my lovely niece. Someone cute and sweet. She was definitely cute. No one can deny the fact. Seriously. She didn’t like me that much. Not that i was harsh or something, but hell yeah... i kept pressuring her. Kissing her! Temptation dude! She could speak now, something that looked impossible when i went back for Raya. She could dance, hop and even ridicule her uncle.
Then, my strong and well-built young hero...son of my brother. This kid was definitely a ‘mess’. He did piss me off sometimes. With his weight around 30 Kg... i could not even bear his punch. A single hit of his fits, could invite tears especially when he hit the correct place. He was definitely a kick-my-ass nephew.
Comes my niece. This 8 year-old daughter of my sister was definitely growing so fast. I could not even recall the last time i saw her crawling. She was gorgeous, her auto-coloured hair, her tanned skin and her eyes. Those were her attractions. She was good in study but she had been through a lot...things that sounded unbearable to even me. God blesses her.
Then, her friend which is also a niece of mine. Also an 8 year-old girl, kept claiming herself a beautiful grown up lady. She was absolutely caring for her 2 younger sisters. One of my nieces that could shine. She hated brushing her teeth and sometimes could present with different attitude, something that i could not even explain.

It’s time to stop floating.

For centuries, i never realised that i was practically floating in my own world... didn’t see the true world and the upcoming challenges. I could say that i was dreaming...having an endless sleep which brought me somewhere...a place that didn’t suit me at all.
In the dreaming process, i was actually thinking that i was someone else. I thought i was someone superior, standing atop my lots. Most of the time, i would sit there, laughing and smiling...self-sufficient and complacent i must say.
Then, one day reality dragged my ass out of my lovely dream. I am awake now...but i didn’t deny that anytime along the course i can just fall down to the same state like i did. But, deep in my heart i am grateful that i finally realised the whole thing. Life is not something that i can enjoy all the time. Beside those good things, we still have bad sides and threats. Like in movies, there are more bad guys than the heroes.
I remember one of those days...dreaming days i should call them. I proudly acted like someone that i was not. Saying all those lies and impossibilities. I managed to pull some of friends of mine to be on the same track. The worst part was i did successfully disguise to be someone that i didn’t even recognise. People looked at me with shine in their eyes...worshipping and saluting.
But those ‘great’ responses that i got from people made me running farther that i did previously. Far away from my real life. It seemed too hard to back from the disarray...but i am trying.
I realised the most important thing in life is HONESTY. I can be anyone i like...anyone as everyone. I know that i’m a great actor. People might believe...but what hurts me the most is feeling of being lied. Lied by my own selves.
Being honest makes me believe that anyone can accept me as i am. Once they hate me, meaning they hate the real of me. So no hard feelings...no offence taken.

life without connection

computer and it are not my expertise. i would rather spending my time thinking about shirts and pants instead of going to it centre or computer mall!!!
but, internet is still vital for me.... i need it especially to be connected to the whole world. I need it for my blog, emel, chatting and many more.
so, when suddenly my 'old' laptop broke down and cannot be on'ed... i felt so depressed. i cannot imagine thoe whole life without it. (i am exaggerating!!!)